


let me down slowly.

by hidlaw



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Light Angst, M/M, just a lot of feelings going on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:14:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25560424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hidlaw/pseuds/hidlaw
Summary: “Argentina, huh?” Hajime repeats. He tries his best at nonchalance as if they're discussing what place they should go to next for their date.The oscillating fan hums, the only thing that fills the silence as they sit on Hajime's bed in the August heat. He's holding his boyfriend's hand in both of his own, absently playing with his slender fingers and calloused knuckles.In that delicate moment, Tooru is doing his best not to break.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 8
Kudos: 76





	let me down slowly.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, C, for beta reading this for me!

“Argentina, huh?” Hajime repeats. He tries his best at nonchalance as if they're discussing what place they should go to next for their date.

The oscillating fan hums, the only thing that fills the silence as they sit on Hajime's bed in the August heat. He's holding his boyfriend's hand in both of his own, absently playing with his slender fingers and calloused knuckles.

It's the hand that cuts off life spans as it delivers the nastiest serves in the Miyagi prefecture. One of the hands that sets the best tosses Hajime has ever had the pleasure and satisfaction of spiking. It's also the very same hand that likes to cup his jaw when they kiss, and one of the ones that grab on to him in excitement with no hesitation. The very same one he has found love and comfort in. 

He doesn't plan to let go.

In that delicate moment, Tooru is doing his best not to break.

He doesn't meet Hajime's gaze, doesn't squeeze back. There's a clench to his jaw that tells Hajime he's either holding back words or tears. Or both.

Earlier, he learns that Tooru's been thinking about going overseas sometime after nationals. It's been months since then. That's a lot of time to think. A lot of time for Tooru to dread this exact conversation.

It brings him back to that bittersweet night, still fresh from a good cry with the other third years. He had come to a realization about Tooru back then and now his own words are ringing in his ears.

_You'll live chasing volleyball your whole life and you won't be perfectly content. You're annoying like that._

Hajime already knew. He knows of Tooru's passion, his drive, and his determination to stand on the stage he loves. Volleyball is his home. Hajime loves him for all of that. 

“I told you, didn't I? You'll always chase volleyball.”

Something doesn't catch on because Tooru snaps his head up, finally, _finally_ looking at him but his wide eyes are all wounded.

For a moment, he doesn't understand. He never said it was a bad thing when he said it that night and it doesn't change now. 

“Shut up, don't give me that look.” He chides, a frown on his lips. He doesn't like seeing him all hurt. Hajime swallows the urge to lean over and kiss it all away.

He tries to see what that pained gaze is all about, tries to pick at Tooru's thoughts. He's always been good at that. Then, slowly: “Just because you want to chase volleyball doesn't mean it makes it easier for you to leave me behind.”

_Leave him behind._ Saying it aloud is weird. Doesn't really fit. It's not true. As if he'll ever let himself be behind Oikawa. Not a chance. He just has a head start, that's all.

The tension in Tooru's expression ebbs away and it's all Hajime needs to know that his suspicions are right. How long has that been on his mind?

Tooru's moment to breathe doesn't last long as Hajime goes against everything that tells him to let his boyfriend catch a break and press on.

“What do you want?”

The loaded question hangs in the air, deafening in the silence that stretches between them. He watches Tooru open his mouth, small tears at the corner of his eyes as he wrestles with himself.

“I want you.” He answers, desperation at the edge of his voice. More quietly, he adds. “And I want to go to Argentina.”

Hearing the words that's been eating away at Tooru comes with a momentary flash of relief before it feels like he's hit a wall that he has no choice but to face now.

Hajime doesn't doubt any of these statements. Afterall, Tooru loves with all he's got. Which makes everything more infuriating on his part because the glaring truth remains, something that Hajime doesn't need to say and that Tooru knows all too well: he can't have both.

The air becomes too thick with these unsaid words and Hajime shifts the conversation just a little before they both choke on the silence.

“Tell me why Argentina.” The corners of his mouth curve upward. It's barely there but it's soft and sincere nonetheless.

Tooru bites down on a teary smile. “Remember that tournament when we were kids? Japan vs. Argentina in Sendai.”

The memory comes in warm, fond flashes. He knows the exact one. He'll never forget the way Tooru was practically running to get good seats, the gasps and cheers they shared as they rooted for their teams. The way Tooru looked funny when he said he already used the paper they bought together for an autograph. He was one shade of red away from exploding. But he did get his autograph, and even Hajime remembers being awestruck when Argentina's winning setter smiled and told them to do their best.

Hajime smiles wistfully. “Blanco.”

A small, wet laugh of agreement escapes Tooru. “Yeah, Blanco.” He then continues to talk about his seldom visits to Blanco (something that comes as a mild surprise to Hajime), the advice he gets, and his plans.

As Tooru talks, Hajime notes the faint gleam in his eyes. He's seen before but he almost doesn't recognize it when it's all muted like that.

He's seen it when Tooru first lands a service ace, seen it when they score with a perfect toss and a winning spike, seen it at the end of a good match and they come out as strongest in the court. It's something that's only reserved for volleyball and it makes Tooru always look so alive.

How can he keep him away from all of that? How can he resent Tooru for wanting to keep going?

The answer is simple: he doesn't.

Hajime doesn't realize how his smile remains when Tooru's talking about his plans. Even if he doesn't really see himself in any of it.

He blinks when Tooru stops and watches as a wave of realization and emotion washes over his face. Hajime's smile turns quiet and solemn, knowing full well that Tooru has finally faced his decision.

“Iwa-chan.” The nickname comes out all choked and it's getting harder for Tooru to swallow his sobs.

There's a pang in his chest and Hajime inches closer, bringing the one hand he's holding to his cheek and leans into it. He gives the palm a sweet little nuzzle and sighs, arms finding their way around Tooru. “Hey.”

He finds a forehead against his and he feels Tooru trembling. “Stop acting like I'm dead or gone or whatever. I'm right here.”

Another wet laugh but it's drowned into a sob and soon enough, Hajime is tugging his boyfriend onto his lap, letting him break in his arms.

“It's alright.” His grip tightens and Tooru shrinks, shaking his head into his chest. “What's wrong with you, _it's okay._ ” Hajime insists. Even if everything hurts, it's okay. Even if it feels like he lost, it's okay. The world is crumbling around Hajime and it's okay.

“I told you that night that you weren't going to be satisfied.” Hajime blinks and finds that his lashes are wet. A shaky breath and he swallows the traitorous sob in his throat. “I also told you that you should keep going with no hesitation. I mean it.”

Hajime doesn't like to cry so he grits his teeth, takes in a slow deep breath to control the rabbit pace his heart is at.

“You're gonna do good.” He declares. “You're gonna get better and better until you beat everyone.” Because that's the Oikawa he knows. “And when we see each other again, I'm gonna beat your ass.”

Against him, Tooru lifts his head so he can see a tear-stained cheek and there he sees the faintest of smiles.

He doesn't try to dwell on the uncertainty of when. There will be a next time for them. He knows because he's going to make sure of it.

* * *

“Iwa-chan.”

“Shitty-kawa.”

“Can you at least try to be romantic?!”

“Tsk.”

No one in Sendai Airport is giving them a second glance. Everyone is busy boarding on their respective planes to either get home or chase something they want. Tooru's gonna be one of those people in five minutes, according to his plane ticket.

Hajime smirks and it tugs a mirroring one onto Tooru's lips. He sees those dark eyes flick over to his lips and Hajime sighs fondly, leaning in for a kiss. It's a sweet one but too short.

“Last one.”

Tooru has always smiled when he says that, looking forward to the next ‘last one.’ But this time he doesn't. Hajime wishes he kissed him longer.

A deep breath and Tooru holds his gaze and says, “I'm breaking up with you.”

Hajime doesn't flinch. “I'm breaking up with you too.”

( After Tooru insisting on a “proper breakup,” Hajime had suggested to get it over with as soon as possible. A suggestion that fell on deaf ears as Tooru demanded that it should be at the airport on the day of his departure. Hajime told him he's cruel and Tooru kissed his scowl away. )

There. They've done it.

It takes about two seconds before their gazes melt into something gentle. Neither move in for a hug. Hajime thinks he won't be able to let him go if they do. So they stand there, longing, unsaid words and all.

Hajime tells himself that those words are not for today but for that next time he promised himself and it eases some of the tightness in his chest.

The voice over the intercom reminds any last minute passenger to board and Tooru blinks, grip tightening on to his luggage.

It takes a moment for Hajime to realize that Tooru will probably say goodbye and fuck, he's not ready for that. He's prepared himself for the breakup thing but not goodbye.

Then, Tooru cracks a smile, that genuine one only meant for Hajime, and says, “I'll see you.”

Hajime breathes, hopes he doesn't look too relieved, and allows himself a little smile of his own. “Yeah, see you too.”


End file.
